Dear Chad,
How is holding a grudge about someone holding a grudge ever going to make a person free? That question comes to mind a lot for me especially when I think of what I want in my life and for the girls and it is the main barrier that makes me think I am not going to get it. It is the question that surfaces many times in the sea of things I do not understand right now. And I am left in the silence of no communication with just questions rattling around in my head.

In addition to the questions, songs pop up all the time. East to West, Voice of Truth, Slow Fade,(funny all Casting Crown songs).I hear them on the radio often, more than usual. Is He trying to tell me something? But then again, in my own head I keep hearing a different song. While my heart is saddened by a grudge that pulls you away from true freedom leaving me to think I won't get what I hope for and yet I hear this in my head.

I need a sign to let me know you're here
All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere
I need to know that things are gonna look up
'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup

When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head
When you feel the world shake from the words that are said

And I'm calling all angels
I'm calling all you angels

I won't give up if you don't give up

I need a sign to let me know you're here
'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear
I want a reason for the way things have to be
I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me

What does it mean when stuff gets stuck like that or pops up so often? I think I need a sign from you but maybe He is telling me to rely on Him and to leave you to Him. Discernment has never come easy to me.